1. Important Life Skills
  2. Attachments
  3. Affiliation
  4. Self-Regulations
  5. Initiative
  6. Problem Solving
  7. Respect

Important Life Skills


Attachments “I have a grown-up who is absolutely crazy about me and keeps me safe.”
Affiliation “I can have a friend and be a friend.”
Self-Regulations “I can manage my strong emotions and am in control of my behavior.”
Initiative “I am constantly growing and changing and learning new things.”
Problem Solving “I can solve problems and resolve conflicts.”
Respect “I have unique gifts and challenges and so do others.”

Back to top

Think of someone in your childhood who made you feel safe._____________________________________
How did they make you feel safe? ___________________________________________________________
Children view adults as valuable resources when they:

· Guide them
· Support them through their journey
· Establish warm respectful relationships
· Can be trusted
· Can bring focus on positively guiding him
· Model how to manage their world and their reaction to the world

Attachment to a child

· Is adults giving love and affection
· Is the ability to depend upon adults for safety and security
· Means seeking out adults for conversation and play
· Is accepting adult’s help and comfort
· Is taking time to get to know people

What can build strong attachments with our children?

· Being seen and understood in daily interactions
· Discovering the loveable uniqueness of your child
· Modeling good relationships with your spouse, extended family and church family
· Getting on their eye level
· Helping your child feel comfortable when separating from him/her: establish a “goodbye” routine.
· Giving your child opportunities to play with other adults and feel good about their adult friends (teachers at church)
· Spending time one on one with your child. If you have more than one child, give each child some individual time each day.
· Being consistent with words and actions. Develop a consistent routine that your child can expect with bedtime, mealtime, etc.
· Modeling control and self regulation in all circumstances
· Respecting your child’s emotions. Talk with him when he is angry or has a melt down. Help him know how to regulate himself.
· Helping your child know when he does not live up to your expectations that you value him but do not like what he has done

Back to top

Children who possess basic friendship skills get along with their peers and have less behavioral problems, withdrawal and lack of skills to enter into play.
Children with affiliation enjoy being around other children.
Social Development

· Solo play
· Adult-child play
· Parallel play
· Three friends play
· Small group play
· Large group play

Think of a childhood friend. What did you like about this friend? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
How did you meet your friend? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What did you and your friends play? _________________________________________________________
“A friend must show himself friendly.”
Keep in mind that it takes:

1. Adults modeling, coaching and assisting with instructions on play at the stage where adult-child play together
2. Someone teaching - friend skills are learned not inborn
3. Adults talking and modeling taking turns, sharing space, and entering and exiting play
4. Language skills so that a child can express himself and navigate her day
5. Notice and talk about friendly overtures of friends, siblings, and others as they are being a friend
6. Help children know how to enter and exit play


Back to top

When was the last time you felt angry? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
How did you manage your anger? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Managing emotions is a very complex skill.
Self regulation is

· beginning to take ownership for the consequences of actions
· understanding limits
· leaning to manage powerful emotions
· figuring out time, space, and transitions

What are a child’s first actions to managing his/her emotions? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
For a child to self-regulate him/herself he/she needs:

· Organized time
· Space
· Routines
· Rituals
· Limits
· Expectations

Give them ways to:

· Soothe themselves
· Explore materials
· Use relaxation techniques (take a breath, stretch in an exercise)
· Redirect themselves (CD player, rocking chair, art materials)
· Work with others

Back to top

Children with initiative:

· Can focus, persist and complete a task - even when frustrated
· Are competent and confident about growing and learning new things
· Look forward to the future

Help them by:

· Recognizing their accomplishments - try giving them descriptive feedback by focusing on the process instead of the product
· Encouraging them to remain and complete “one more thing”
· Letting them do their own work rather than doing it for them
· Help them think of more by saying, “I wonder if….”

Back to top

Problem Solving
Help children develop a problem solving attitude.
What is the first thing you ask yourself when you have a problem? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As a parent:

· Find out what is wanted and needed
· Define the problem
· Brainstorm and choose a solution to try
· Check in to see if the solution worked
· Leave younger children and siblings alone to work it out. Only step in when safety is an issue.
· Remember children who are emotionally charged cannot engage in problem-solving
· Help your child calm down and think what they need to solve the problem
· Provide your child with support while he thinks and chooses solutions
· Listen to your child
· Acknowledge and reflect on their feelings. Identify helps for self-regulations and words to state their needs -

“Let’s figure this out together...” “Wow, you have a real problem.” “Tell me what happened….”

Back to top

In what way have you shown respect for your spouse today? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
How have you shown respect for your child today? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Help your child:

· Recognize and appreciate his/her own gifts and talents.
· Recognize and appreciate others’ gifts.
· See that two can work together to accomplish a task -
o Act out a story
o Play a game
o Make a class garden
o Play a game where everyone wins
· Hear words that are encouraging and respectful

“Good morning. How’s Nikolas this morning?”

Back to top