| • | Discipline – comes from the Latin word, disciplina, meaning “instruction” or “teaching.” It is related to the Latin discere, “to learn” or “become acquainted with.” | |
| • | Not to be confused with “punishment.” | |
| • | Jesus set the example of a disciplinarian for His disciples. | |
| – | He was in charge of them | |
| – | He was an authoritative Teacher | |
| – | He taught them how to live by His example and words | |
| • | Jesus | |
| – | related to each person as a unique individual | |
| – | offered each unconditional, redemptive love | |
| – | cared for the sinner while confronting the sin | |
| – | met each person where he or she was and grew that person into all he or she could be | |
| • | How does each of these persons discipline your child? | |
| 1. | ______________________________ | |
| 2. | ______________________________ | |
| 3. | ______________________________ | |
| 4. | ______________________________ | |
| 5. | ______________________________ | |
| • | Each family is different. | |
| · | Parent as authority figure | |
| o | I am the parent, he is the child, and that’s it! | |
| · | Strengths | |
| • | Clear parents must take charge of children. | |
| · | Weaknesses | |
| o | Child may not feel parent’s love | |
| · | Based on teaching parents how to better communicate with their child | |
| o | Children are basically good, no bad children, just bad communications | |
| · | Strengths | |
| o | Respects the child as a person whose actions result from feelings and encourages parents to consider the feelings behind the behaviors | |
| · | Weaknesses | |
| o | Tend to forgo authority, take on the role of amateur psychologist, negotiator, and diplomat and worry they will damage child, thus are unwilling to take a stand | |
| o | Children may end up not respecting authority because their parents don’t expect them to. | |
| § | Instead of “don’t hit your brother” they may address feelings “You must be very angry with your brother.” | |
| § | This style of discipline runs the risk of being permissive of wrong behavior and failing to set appropriate boundaries. | |
| · | Children’s behavior can be influenced positively or negatively according to how parents structure child’s environment. | |
| o | Child continues to hit others. | |
| · | Strengths | |
| o | Most children respond well to behavior modification | |
| o | Gives us behavior modification techniques (“time out,” positive reinforcement, teaching natural consequences) to use when authoritarian and communication approaches are not working | |
| o | Especially useful for children with emotional problems and difficult temperaments | |
| · | Weaknesses | |
| o | Bad news is one runs out of behavior modification techniques and energy to apply them | |
| o | Focuses on external techniques rather than on the parent-child relationship, so the child is approached as an object rather than a person | |
| · | Incorporates our God-given authority, good communication, and wise techniques with the foundation of attachment | |
| · | Sin nature (“Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me” Psalm 51:5.) | |
| o | Parent’s responsibility before God is to guide their child toward God | |
| · | Must be careful to not misinterpret a child’s need for nurture with sin nature | |
| o | Child’s attempt to communicate her needs is not an attempt to manipulate, control or be rebellious | |
| o | God graciously delegates His job of meeting His child’s needs to parents (baby gets first dibs on nutritional intake and mom gets seconds) | |
| · | God’s nature is how you nurture | |
| o | 0-9 months |
| § | Connecting – interaction between parent and child |
| o | 9-18 months | |
| § | Providing structure – structuring the environment (safety), child-sized toys & furniture, modeling appropriate behavior for him. | |
| § | Setting limits – Respond to his cues, enjoy him/her but be the strong one in stopping hurtful actions toward others and self (pulling hair at 6 months) | |
| · | Preschool | |
| o | Communication - use words to express himself rather than hitting etc. Give clear consistent expectations and guidance. | |
| · | Elementary | |
| o | Competence | |
| · | Preteen and teen | |
| o | Releasing to responsibility | |
| · | Young Adult | |
| o | Release | |
| • | Be clear and confident: | |
| – | Ask a lot of questions. | |
| – | Distinguish between what really matters and what seems to matter and choose which wall you will go for. | |
| • | Provide structure and set limits: | |
| – | Remember the goal is not to control but build character and self control. | |
| • | Structure a safe environment: | |
| – | Be alert. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. | |
| • | Say “Yes” as much as possible. | |
| – | Give choices. | |
| • | Turn negatives into positives. | |
| – | Remember the negatives of positive reinforcement. | |
| – | Separate the deed from the doer. Your child is always acceptable; the behavior is not. | |
| • | Practice, Practice, Practice | |
| – | Be consistent. Structure and predictability are necessities. |
| • | Listen to what they are telling us. | |
| – | Be courageous. It takes courage, strength and perseverance to withstand and confront a child at any age. | |
| – | Be creative with consequences, keeping in mind the age and stage of your child. | |
| • | Develop a family aroma - affection, respect, order, merriment, affirmation, and play. | |
| • | Distract and Divert | |
| – | Use gerunds. (A gerund is an “ing” verb. For example, you might say, “Use your walking feet and not your running feet.” | |
| • | Listens to the whole cry v. 17 | |
| · | Use your position and power as the Lord helps you take care of your baby. | |