This booklet is one of the equipping tools of The Moral
    Compass Strategy. This strategy is designed to:
    Help teens build a strong moral compass. (Matt. 22:37)
    Help teens develop healthy relationships. (Matt. 22:39)
    Help create lasting marriages by building strong character
    through positive choices now. (Psalm 119:9)
    The Moral Compass Strategy was developed by the BGCO Student Min-
    istry Team. For more information about The Moral Compass or other
    Oklahoma Youth Ministry needs contact:
    Andy Harrison
    BGCO Student Ministry & Education Specialist
    3800 N. May
    Oklahoma City, OK 73112
    Phone: 405
    3000 x643
    Email: aharrison@bgco.org Website: www.skopos.org

    How & When to Talk to Your Kids About Sex;
    Stanton L.
    & Brenna B. Jones; NavPress
    Sexual Resolutions
    ; Paul Kelly; LifeWay
    True Love Waits Takes A Look at Courting, Dating, and
    Hanging Out
    ; David Payne; LifeWay
    Pure Joy: God’s Formula for Passionate Living
    ; Paul
    Turner, Matt Tullos, and Kristi Wyatt; LifeWay
    Until You Say I Do
    ; Jay & Diane Strack; LifeWay
    Worth The Wait
    ; Paul Abner; Worth The Wait Ministries, 405
    Dating, Clues for the Clueless
    ; Christopher D. Hudson,
    compiler; Publishers Promise Press
    You Want To Pierce What?
    ; Walker Moore; Albury
    How To Stay a Christian in College
    ; J. Budziszewski;
    Raising Them Chaste
    ; Richard C. & Renee Durfield; Bethany House Pub-
    When True Love Doesn’t Wait
    ; D. Tony Rankin & Richard
    Ross; LifeWay
    Passion & Purity
    , Elizabeth Elliot; Fleming H.
    Revell Co.
    Raising a Modern
    Day Knight
    ; Robert Lewis; Focus on the
    Family Publishing
    Recommended Reading

    How Far Is Too Far?
    Biblical References:
    Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5; Matthew 5:8; Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessaloni-
    ans 4:3, 7; 1 Timothy 5:2; Hebrews 13:4
    Biblical Response:
    It has become unfortunate, but true, that since we (Christians) call our-
    selves God’s children, we have acted like children and have become
    bound and determined to see just how far we can push God on His prin-
    ciples for sexual behavior. We refuse to call sin, SIN.
    First Timothy 5:2 states that we
    should treat
    "younger women as
    sisters, in all purity."
    If the stan-
    dard is purity, why do we even
    ask the question of “
    How far is
    too far
    ?” If purity were our aim
    wouldn’t we instead be asking,
    “What type of behavior is pleas-
    ing to God?” Purity is a commit-
    ment “to” something, not “from”
    something. First Thessalonians
    4:7 says,
    “For God has not called
    us for the purpose of impurity, but
    in sanctification.”
    That is, we
    have been set apart for the pur-
    pose of pursuing holiness. We
    will not end up chasing holiness
    because we were committed to
    discerning what is or isn’t sin, but
    rather we will run from sin be-
    cause as we pursue holiness we
    will inevitably be putting dis-
    tance between ourselves and the
    things that are not of God.
    Kissing, foreplay and even oral sex have frequently been viewed as in-
    consequential because they don't have the stigma of or are not strictly
    defined as "going all the way." Foreplay is a sexual behavior, which
    isn’t designed to satisfy in itself, but rather foreplay’s function is to lead
    one up to the fullest expression of physical involvement…sexual inter-
    course. It doesn’t satisfy in and of itself, but is part of a process. It is a
    Are you seeking to live in the
    of God’s will or
    on the
    of it?
    “If God’s will (for purity) were a city, it
    seems most Christians would build
    their houses on the city limit line hop-
    ing that that the adjacent outlying
    property would soon be annexed, but
    God wants us downtown.”
    Andy Harrison
    adultery with her. He was saying that what we allow our minds to
    dwell on will eventually become more than thoughts, it will be our
    Dwell on God’s purpose for your life.
    If God is able to do above
    what we even ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20), and He is, then whatever
    we could dream up in fantasy will not compare to what He has in
    store for us in reality. This applies to all facets of our life and cer-
    tainly to our sexuality. Knowing this then, we can concentrate on
    issues of greater eternal concern (Phil. 4:8) for we know He holds
    the details of our lives in His hands.
    Accept God’s forgiveness.
    Sexual urges are powerful and you may
    at times give in to lust and allow temptations to grow into sin
    (James 1:14
    15). Let God know of your desire to follow Him and
    ask for forgiveness. God stands ready to forgive you and to assist
    in wait-
    for His
    best. (1
    John 1:9)
    What’s Wrong with Homosexuality? What about Bi-
    Biblical References:
    Genesis 2:24; Romans 1:26
    27; 1 Corinthians 5:9
    Biblical Response:
    Today’s societal views are changing toward homosexuality and homo-
    sexuals. More and more television sitcoms are based on or have signifi-
    cant roles for gay characters and their message is clear: “We are here.
    We are normal. Accept it.” But as Christians we are not called to fol-
    low the common flow of society or the moral leanings of our entertain-
    ment capital, we are called to follow Christ. The scriptures are decid-
    edly clear on the subject. 1 Corinthians 5:9
    10 says,
    “Or do you not
    know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Do not
    be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor ef-
    nor homosexuals
    , nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunk-
    ards, nor revilers, nor swindlers shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

    Take your kids on occasional “dates” to make talking comfortable.
    Is Masturbation a Sin?
    Biblical References:
    Matthew 5:27
    28; Philippians 4:8; James 1:14
    15; 1 John 1:9
    Biblical Response:
    There are no direct references to masturbation in the scripture and so
    this question has been much debated over the years. However, just be-
    cause the Bible does not directly reference an issue and make an obvi-
    ous judgment concerning it, does not mean that it is silent on how to
    deal with the issue. The Bible gives precepts and it gives principles.
    Precepts are hard fast rules. (Example: Road sign says: 65 MPH. You
    know you break the speed limit when you go 66 or more. It is a clearly
    drawn line.) Principles are governing boundaries. (Example: Road sign
    says: Drive Safely. There is no clear line drawn, so you must evaluate
    the condition of the road, the surface type, the level of traffic, weather
    conditions, etc. and adjust your driving style and speed in order to be
    There is no clear precept concerning masturbation, but there are many
    applicable principles. If you were able to masturbate without allowing
    your mind to fantasize on the sexual images of a person or persons you
    are not married to, then the simple answer would be, yes, you can mas-
    turbate without it being sin. The problem with that situation is that it is
    virtually impossible.
    You should know that sexual urges are normal and masturbation is a
    psychologically and physically normal response to those urges. And it
    would seem rather irrational to drop a boat load of guilt on you for be-
    ing normal.
    The issue for a Christian then, is how do I deal with these urges without
    building for myself a habit of destructive thought and behavior. It
    would be wise to follow these principles:
    Protect your thought life.
    Lusting after another person dehuman-
    izes that person and thereby devalues them. We can begin to see
    people as objects of sexual fulfillment instead of people of value.
    Jesus said that lusting after a woman was the same as committing
    process reserved for marriage (Hebrews 13:4). The philosopher
    Spinoza once said, "We don't desire things because they are good, we
    call them good because we desire them." Man will rationalize his be-
    havior because he desires that behavior over God's will for his life. In
    Spinoza’s terminology one might say, “I
    to kiss and touch my
    partner so I will
    it “good” or “right” to do so.” But calling some-
    thing “right” and it actually being “right” are two different things.
    Would it be right to kiss and fondle your sister? No! Of course not!
    It’s even repulsive to suggest. Paul instructed Timothy to treat the
    younger women as sisters, “in all purity.” Then it is just as repulsive to
    consider such sexual behavior as permissible with those who would be
    our boyfriends or girlfriends.
    To help yourself in this area it is good to set your standards or limita-
    tions before you start dating. If you wait until the moment of passion to
    determine your limits, you’re a goner.
    If you are already sexually active, STOP. God forgives, but there are
    consequences for our sin that can leave lasting scars. Determine to pur-
    sue holiness through the power of the Holy Spirit. Solomon knew the
    value of delayed gratification. When the time was right (marriage) and
    the act was pure (sex), then the benefits became much greater than just
    a few minutes of physical pleasure.
    “Promise me, O women of Jerusa-
    lem, by the swift gazelles and the deer of the wild, not to awaken love
    until the time is right.”
    (Song of Solomon 2:7, New Living Transla-
    How Do I Deal With Temptation and Pressure?
    Biblical References:
    Proverbs 27:17; Matthew 6:13, 26:41; John 15:9, 17:4; Romans 8:5
    6; 1
    Corinthians 10:13, 15:33; Philippians 4:8; Hebrews 4:15; James 1:14
    15; 2 Peter 2:7
    Biblical Response:
    First, you should know that temptation is not sin. Everyone has been or
    will be tempted. Temptation is a situation in which we are brought to a
    point of decision. In relation to purity, that decision will be to follow
    the Spirit to righteousness or the flesh to sin. Jesus was tempted, yet He
    never followed the flesh to sin. Hebrews 4:15 says,
    “For we do not
    have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but one
    who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.”

    Pressure is also something we all
    have to do deal with in regard to
    remaining pure. The world pres-
    sures us to treat sex casually
    through a constant bombardment
    of visual, auditory, emotional, and
    psychological appeals. These appeals connect with our natural desire
    for sex, but seek to suggest fulfillment of these desires in an immoral or
    unholy way. Pressure also comes from friends or even from within. A
    poor self
    esteem can lead us to seek unhealthy relationships with others
    simply to meet our need to be wanted or loved.
    We must deal with temptation and pressure the same way Jesus did.
    He realized that there was not one temptation that couldn’t be re-
    sisted with God’s help. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
    He kept His mind on the things of God. (Romans 8:5
    6; Philippians
    He was secure in God’s love for Him. (John 15:9)
    He had good friends who shared His values. (Proverbs 27:17)
    He knew the destructive power of the wrong associations. (1 Corin-
    thians 15:33)
    He purposed in His heart to do God’s will. (John 17:4)
    Some good tips to remember…
    Set your standards and boundaries
    you begin a relationship.
    Waiting until a moment of temptation to define your standards
    could be disastrous.
    When in doubt...don’t! This
    is good to remember when it
    comes to deciding to go to
    that party or not, or to hang
    with certain people, or to
    spend too much time alone on
    a date. If there is doubt in
    your heart as to whether you
    should do this thing or not, then don’t do it. This is not to say that
    if it feels good then go for it. The Holy Spirit lives inside every
    believer and prompts us to righteousness and discourages us from
    sin. The more often we ignore His voice, the more difficult it will
    "If you have been tempted
    into evil, flee from it.
    It is not by falling into the
    water, but by lying in it,
    that one drowns."
    "Temptation usually comes
    in through a door that has
    deliberately been left open."
    Their parents never talked to them about sex, so they don’t feel
    comfortable talking to their own kids, or they don’t think it’s neces-
    They are afraid they will have to talk about the “plumbing.” That
    is, they will have to tell the anatomy of it all.
    They made bad choices, which they now regret, when they were
    teenagers and are afraid that their kids will ask, “Mom and dad, did
    you wait?”
    The good news is that God didn’t make sex dirty. The world did. God
    made sex to be something healthy; so we can talk about it on a healthy
    level without having to blush or avoid eye contact.
    We need parents to be the primary educators to their children about
    godly sexuality. God designed moms and dads to be the primary ac-
    countability partners. Therefore, for parents not to be the primary sex-
    ual educators is to forfeit a God
    given responsibility, and give the re-
    sponsibility to someone who doesn’t love their child as much or have as
    large of an investment in them.
    My suggestions to parents:
    Don’t be afraid, God will help you. It will
    get more comfortable the more you talk
    about it. But, first you have to start.
    Study books on positive relationships.
    Talk to youth pastors, pastors and other
    people you respect about the things you
    need to cover.
    Model positive relationships.
    Don’t expect your kids to be something that you’re not willing to be
    yourself. Model purity in
    Don’t worry with talking about the plumbing. The world has tried
    to make sex merely physical, healthy sex is about healthy relation-
    Oh, what a tangled web do
    parents weave
    When they think their
    children are naive.
    Ogden Nash

    Why Wait?
    Biblical References:
    Exodus 20:14; Proverbs 6:32; Galatians 5:19
    21; Hebrews 13:4; Ephe-
    sians 5:3; 2 Timothy 2:22; Colossians 3:5; 1 Corinthians 6:18
    Biblical Response:
    First let’s look at the question:
    This is
    the central, primary question
    when it comes to sexuality. One
    that demands a strong, thorough answer and provides an important di-
    rectional file in each person’s moral compass. One that, because of the
    drive and desires that we are born with, we all will ask and answer in
    some way.
    Some decide that waiting isn’t important.
    Those who don’t wait endanger their future in
    many ways, some that can easily be seen
    (sexually transmitted diseases; out of wedlock
    pregnancy; too early marriage, etc.) And some
    that aren’t so readily obvious (depression;
    walls between you and God because of guilt;
    increased chances of divorce; increased stress;
    etc.). The sooner this question is answered and
    understood, the better one is able to navigate
    By the way, this isn’t a new question. I imagine every generation, since
    before recorded history, has asked the same thing. This is a question
    that initiated a period in America known as “the sexual revolution” in
    the 1960
    70’s. The difference between then and now is that in the early
    1990’s the church somehow lost its fear to talk about sexuality in
    church and to help establish healthy, godly boundaries. Since then mil-
    lions of students have responded positively when asked to make a pub-
    lic declaration of how they plan to conduct themselves until marriage.
    Maybe a better way to ask this question is, “Why is waiting important?”
    Because God’s word tells us to wait.
    “thou shall not commit adultery, …”
    Exodus 20:14
    (part of the 10 commandments)
    The key to
    everything is
    patience. You
    get the chicken
    by hatching the
    egg, not by
    smashing it.
    Arnold H.
    “whosoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understand-
    ing; he who does so destroys his own soul.”
    Proverbs 6:32
    (the female reference is because the writer, Solomon,
    was giving wise advise to his sons. The statement is true for both sexes.)
    “now the works of the flesh ore evident, which are: adultery,
    fornication….. Those who practice such things will not inherit the king-
    dom of God.”
    Galatians 5:19
    “marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept
    pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral.”
    Hebrews 13:4
    “it is God’s will that you should be holy; that you should avoid
    sexual immorality or any kind of impurity…”
    Ephesians 5:3
    “flee the evil desires of your youth…”
    2 Timothy 2:22
    “put to death…..sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil de-
    Colossians 3:5
    “flee sexual immorality, all other sins a man commits are out-
    side his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do
    you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in
    you, whom you received from God? You are not your own; you were
    bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
    1 Corinthians 6:18
    Because waiting gives honor to God’s plan and order in your life.
    Because waiting is a symbol of radical allegiance to Jesus.
    Because waiting holds purity as a precious treasure which is to be
    protected and preserved.
    Because waiting rejects the worldly view that ignorance is equal to

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