24
This booklet is one of the equipping tools of The Moral
Compass Strategy. This strategy is designed to:
1.
Help teens build a strong moral compass. (Matt. 22:37)
2.
Help teens develop healthy relationships. (Matt. 22:39)
3.
Help create lasting marriages by building strong character
through positive choices now. (Psalm 119:9)
The Moral Compass Strategy was developed by the BGCO Student Min-
istry Team. For more information about The Moral Compass or other
Oklahoma Youth Ministry needs contact:
Andy Harrison
BGCO Student Ministry & Education Specialist
3800 N. May
Oklahoma City, OK 73112
Phone: 405
-
942
-
3000 x643
Email: aharrison@bgco.org Website: www.skopos.org
1
2
23
How & When to Talk to Your Kids About Sex;
Stanton L.
& Brenna B. Jones; NavPress
Sexual Resolutions
; Paul Kelly; LifeWay
True Love Waits Takes A Look at Courting, Dating, and
Hanging Out
; David Payne; LifeWay
Pure Joy: God’s Formula for Passionate Living
; Paul
Turner, Matt Tullos, and Kristi Wyatt; LifeWay
Until You Say I Do
; Jay & Diane Strack; LifeWay
Worth The Wait
; Paul Abner; Worth The Wait Ministries, 405
-
728
-
0916
Dating, Clues for the Clueless
; Christopher D. Hudson,
compiler; Publishers Promise Press
You Want To Pierce What?
; Walker Moore; Albury
Publishing
How To Stay a Christian in College
; J. Budziszewski;
NavPress
Raising Them Chaste
; Richard C. & Renee Durfield; Bethany House Pub-
lishers
When True Love Doesn’t Wait
; D. Tony Rankin & Richard
Ross; LifeWay
Passion & Purity
, Elizabeth Elliot; Fleming H.
Revell Co.
Raising a Modern
-
Day Knight
; Robert Lewis; Focus on the
Family Publishing
Recommended Reading
6
How Far Is Too Far?
Biblical References:
Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5; Matthew 5:8; Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessaloni-
ans 4:3, 7; 1 Timothy 5:2; Hebrews 13:4
Biblical Response:
It has become unfortunate, but true, that since we (Christians) call our-
selves God’s children, we have acted like children and have become
bound and determined to see just how far we can push God on His prin-
ciples for sexual behavior. We refuse to call sin, SIN.
First Timothy 5:2 states that we
should treat
"younger women as
sisters, in all purity."
If the stan-
dard is purity, why do we even
ask the question of “
How far is
too far
?” If purity were our aim
wouldn’t we instead be asking,
“What type of behavior is pleas-
ing to God?” Purity is a commit-
ment “to” something, not “from”
something. First Thessalonians
4:7 says,
“For God has not called
us for the purpose of impurity, but
in sanctification.”
That is, we
have been set apart for the pur-
pose of pursuing holiness. We
will not end up chasing holiness
because we were committed to
discerning what is or isn’t sin, but
rather we will run from sin be-
cause as we pursue holiness we
will inevitably be putting dis-
tance between ourselves and the
things that are not of God.
Kissing, foreplay and even oral sex have frequently been viewed as in-
consequential because they don't have the stigma of or are not strictly
defined as "going all the way." Foreplay is a sexual behavior, which
isn’t designed to satisfy in itself, but rather foreplay’s function is to lead
one up to the fullest expression of physical involvement…sexual inter-
course. It doesn’t satisfy in and of itself, but is part of a process. It is a
Are you seeking to live in the
center
of God’s will or
on the
edge
of it?
“If God’s will (for purity) were a city, it
seems most Christians would build
their houses on the city limit line hop-
ing that that the adjacent outlying
property would soon be annexed, but
God wants us downtown.”
—
Andy Harrison
19
adultery with her. He was saying that what we allow our minds to
dwell on will eventually become more than thoughts, it will be our
behavior.
Dwell on God’s purpose for your life.
If God is able to do above
what we even ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20), and He is, then whatever
we could dream up in fantasy will not compare to what He has in
store for us in reality. This applies to all facets of our life and cer-
tainly to our sexuality. Knowing this then, we can concentrate on
issues of greater eternal concern (Phil. 4:8) for we know He holds
the details of our lives in His hands.
Accept God’s forgiveness.
Sexual urges are powerful and you may
at times give in to lust and allow temptations to grow into sin
(James 1:14
-
15). Let God know of your desire to follow Him and
ask for forgiveness. God stands ready to forgive you and to assist
you
in wait-
ing
for His
best. (1
John 1:9)
What’s Wrong with Homosexuality? What about Bi-
sexuality?
Biblical References:
Genesis 2:24; Romans 1:26
-
27; 1 Corinthians 5:9
-
10
Biblical Response:
Today’s societal views are changing toward homosexuality and homo-
sexuals. More and more television sitcoms are based on or have signifi-
cant roles for gay characters and their message is clear: “We are here.
We are normal. Accept it.” But as Christians we are not called to fol-
low the common flow of society or the moral leanings of our entertain-
ment capital, we are called to follow Christ. The scriptures are decid-
edly clear on the subject. 1 Corinthians 5:9
-
10 says,
“Or do you not
know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Do not
be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor ef-
feminate,
nor homosexuals
, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunk-
ards, nor revilers, nor swindlers shall inherit the kingdom of God.”
18
7.
Take your kids on occasional “dates” to make talking comfortable.
Is Masturbation a Sin?
Biblical References:
Matthew 5:27
-
28; Philippians 4:8; James 1:14
-
15; 1 John 1:9
Biblical Response:
There are no direct references to masturbation in the scripture and so
this question has been much debated over the years. However, just be-
cause the Bible does not directly reference an issue and make an obvi-
ous judgment concerning it, does not mean that it is silent on how to
deal with the issue. The Bible gives precepts and it gives principles.
Precepts are hard fast rules. (Example: Road sign says: 65 MPH. You
know you break the speed limit when you go 66 or more. It is a clearly
drawn line.) Principles are governing boundaries. (Example: Road sign
says: Drive Safely. There is no clear line drawn, so you must evaluate
the condition of the road, the surface type, the level of traffic, weather
conditions, etc. and adjust your driving style and speed in order to be
safe.)
There is no clear precept concerning masturbation, but there are many
applicable principles. If you were able to masturbate without allowing
your mind to fantasize on the sexual images of a person or persons you
are not married to, then the simple answer would be, yes, you can mas-
turbate without it being sin. The problem with that situation is that it is
virtually impossible.
You should know that sexual urges are normal and masturbation is a
psychologically and physically normal response to those urges. And it
would seem rather irrational to drop a boat load of guilt on you for be-
ing normal.
The issue for a Christian then, is how do I deal with these urges without
building for myself a habit of destructive thought and behavior. It
would be wise to follow these principles:
Protect your thought life.
Lusting after another person dehuman-
izes that person and thereby devalues them. We can begin to see
people as objects of sexual fulfillment instead of people of value.
Jesus said that lusting after a woman was the same as committing
7
process reserved for marriage (Hebrews 13:4). The philosopher
Spinoza once said, "We don't desire things because they are good, we
call them good because we desire them." Man will rationalize his be-
havior because he desires that behavior over God's will for his life. In
Spinoza’s terminology one might say, “I
want
to kiss and touch my
partner so I will
call
it “good” or “right” to do so.” But calling some-
thing “right” and it actually being “right” are two different things.
Would it be right to kiss and fondle your sister? No! Of course not!
It’s even repulsive to suggest. Paul instructed Timothy to treat the
younger women as sisters, “in all purity.” Then it is just as repulsive to
consider such sexual behavior as permissible with those who would be
our boyfriends or girlfriends.
To help yourself in this area it is good to set your standards or limita-
tions before you start dating. If you wait until the moment of passion to
determine your limits, you’re a goner.
If you are already sexually active, STOP. God forgives, but there are
consequences for our sin that can leave lasting scars. Determine to pur-
sue holiness through the power of the Holy Spirit. Solomon knew the
value of delayed gratification. When the time was right (marriage) and
the act was pure (sex), then the benefits became much greater than just
a few minutes of physical pleasure.
“Promise me, O women of Jerusa-
lem, by the swift gazelles and the deer of the wild, not to awaken love
until the time is right.”
(Song of Solomon 2:7, New Living Transla-
tion)
How Do I Deal With Temptation and Pressure?
Biblical References:
Proverbs 27:17; Matthew 6:13, 26:41; John 15:9, 17:4; Romans 8:5
-
6; 1
Corinthians 10:13, 15:33; Philippians 4:8; Hebrews 4:15; James 1:14
-
15; 2 Peter 2:7
-
9
Biblical Response:
First, you should know that temptation is not sin. Everyone has been or
will be tempted. Temptation is a situation in which we are brought to a
point of decision. In relation to purity, that decision will be to follow
the Spirit to righteousness or the flesh to sin. Jesus was tempted, yet He
never followed the flesh to sin. Hebrews 4:15 says,
“For we do not
have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but one
who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.”
8
Pressure is also something we all
have to do deal with in regard to
remaining pure. The world pres-
sures us to treat sex casually
through a constant bombardment
of visual, auditory, emotional, and
psychological appeals. These appeals connect with our natural desire
for sex, but seek to suggest fulfillment of these desires in an immoral or
unholy way. Pressure also comes from friends or even from within. A
poor self
-
esteem can lead us to seek unhealthy relationships with others
simply to meet our need to be wanted or loved.
We must deal with temptation and pressure the same way Jesus did.
He realized that there was not one temptation that couldn’t be re-
sisted with God’s help. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
He kept His mind on the things of God. (Romans 8:5
-
6; Philippians
4:8)
He was secure in God’s love for Him. (John 15:9)
He had good friends who shared His values. (Proverbs 27:17)
He knew the destructive power of the wrong associations. (1 Corin-
thians 15:33)
He purposed in His heart to do God’s will. (John 17:4)
Some good tips to remember…
Set your standards and boundaries
before
you begin a relationship.
Waiting until a moment of temptation to define your standards
could be disastrous.
When in doubt...don’t! This
is good to remember when it
comes to deciding to go to
that party or not, or to hang
with certain people, or to
spend too much time alone on
a date. If there is doubt in
your heart as to whether you
should do this thing or not, then don’t do it. This is not to say that
if it feels good then go for it. The Holy Spirit lives inside every
believer and prompts us to righteousness and discourages us from
sin. The more often we ignore His voice, the more difficult it will
"If you have been tempted
into evil, flee from it.
It is not by falling into the
water, but by lying in it,
that one drowns."
—
Unknown
"Temptation usually comes
in through a door that has
deliberately been left open."
—
Unknown
17
Their parents never talked to them about sex, so they don’t feel
comfortable talking to their own kids, or they don’t think it’s neces-
sary.
They are afraid they will have to talk about the “plumbing.” That
is, they will have to tell the anatomy of it all.
They made bad choices, which they now regret, when they were
teenagers and are afraid that their kids will ask, “Mom and dad, did
you wait?”
The good news is that God didn’t make sex dirty. The world did. God
made sex to be something healthy; so we can talk about it on a healthy
level without having to blush or avoid eye contact.
We need parents to be the primary educators to their children about
godly sexuality. God designed moms and dads to be the primary ac-
countability partners. Therefore, for parents not to be the primary sex-
ual educators is to forfeit a God
-
given responsibility, and give the re-
sponsibility to someone who doesn’t love their child as much or have as
large of an investment in them.
My suggestions to parents:
1.
Don’t be afraid, God will help you. It will
get more comfortable the more you talk
about it. But, first you have to start.
2.
Study books on positive relationships.
3.
Talk to youth pastors, pastors and other
people you respect about the things you
need to cover.
4.
Model positive relationships.
5.
Don’t expect your kids to be something that you’re not willing to be
yourself. Model purity in
your
life.
6.
Don’t worry with talking about the plumbing. The world has tried
to make sex merely physical, healthy sex is about healthy relation-
ships.
Oh, what a tangled web do
parents weave
When they think their
children are naive.
--
Ogden Nash
12
Why Wait?
Biblical References:
Exodus 20:14; Proverbs 6:32; Galatians 5:19
-
21; Hebrews 13:4; Ephe-
sians 5:3; 2 Timothy 2:22; Colossians 3:5; 1 Corinthians 6:18
-
20
Biblical Response:
First let’s look at the question:
This is
the central, primary question
when it comes to sexuality. One
that demands a strong, thorough answer and provides an important di-
rectional file in each person’s moral compass. One that, because of the
drive and desires that we are born with, we all will ask and answer in
some way.
Some decide that waiting isn’t important.
Those who don’t wait endanger their future in
many ways, some that can easily be seen
(sexually transmitted diseases; out of wedlock
pregnancy; too early marriage, etc.) And some
that aren’t so readily obvious (depression;
walls between you and God because of guilt;
increased chances of divorce; increased stress;
etc.). The sooner this question is answered and
understood, the better one is able to navigate
life.
By the way, this isn’t a new question. I imagine every generation, since
before recorded history, has asked the same thing. This is a question
that initiated a period in America known as “the sexual revolution” in
the 1960
-
70’s. The difference between then and now is that in the early
1990’s the church somehow lost its fear to talk about sexuality in
church and to help establish healthy, godly boundaries. Since then mil-
lions of students have responded positively when asked to make a pub-
lic declaration of how they plan to conduct themselves until marriage.
Maybe a better way to ask this question is, “Why is waiting important?”
Because God’s word tells us to wait.
“thou shall not commit adultery, …”
Exodus 20:14
(part of the 10 commandments)
The key to
everything is
patience. You
get the chicken
by hatching the
egg, not by
smashing it.
--
Arnold H.
Glasgow
13
“whosoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understand-
ing; he who does so destroys his own soul.”
Proverbs 6:32
(the female reference is because the writer, Solomon,
was giving wise advise to his sons. The statement is true for both sexes.)
“now the works of the flesh ore evident, which are: adultery,
fornication….. Those who practice such things will not inherit the king-
dom of God.”
Galatians 5:19
-
21
“marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept
pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral.”
Hebrews 13:4
“it is God’s will that you should be holy; that you should avoid
sexual immorality or any kind of impurity…”
Ephesians 5:3
“flee the evil desires of your youth…”
2 Timothy 2:22
“put to death…..sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil de-
sires…”
Colossians 3:5
“flee sexual immorality, all other sins a man commits are out-
side his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do
you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in
you, whom you received from God? You are not your own; you were
bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:18
-
20
Because waiting gives honor to God’s plan and order in your life.
Because waiting is a symbol of radical allegiance to Jesus.
Because waiting holds purity as a precious treasure which is to be
protected and preserved.
Because waiting rejects the worldly view that ignorance is equal to
innocence.
