Conference
Teaching Plan
Self Image
What is a self image?
Self
-
image is how you see yourself in relation to others. It may range from how you see
yourself physically to being more about the perception you have of yourself (personality,
interests and att
itudes), which could also be called self concept. It is very important as it
affects your self
-
esteem and confidence.
Self image includes:
What you think you look like
physically
.
How your
personality
comes across.
What kind of person you think you are.
What you think
others
think of you.
How much you like yourself or you think others like you.
Why a conference on
Building a Biblical
Self Image?
A Biblical Self Image is
n’t based on
the subjectivity of our own perceptions or the
perceptions of others, but
is
based on the
absolute truth
of God’s word. If a person
accepts that whatever God’s word says about him is true, then he
is
very unlikely to
suffer from low s
elf
-
esteem and fall victim to its destructive characteristics.
(Powerpoint)
Here’s the rub:
O
nly
4%
of Christian students believe the Bible is the infallible word of God and
only
9%
of those students believe in absolute truth. An absolute truth being a truth that
is true for all people at all times.
Some facts:
(1)
Teens who do not believe in a
bsolute truth are:
36 % more likely to lie to a friend
48% more likely to cheat on an exam
200% more likely to steal
300%
more likely to use illegal drugs
600%
more likely to commit suicide
216% more likely to be resentful
200% more likely to p
hysically hurt someone
200% more likely to watch a pornographic film
200%
more likely to be disappointed in life
210%
more likely to lack purpose
225%
more likely to be angry with life
(1)
(“The Churched Youth Survey,” Dallas: Josh McDowell Ministr
y, 1994)
These statistics certainly indicate how students perceive God
, the Bible, and truth,
but they also indicate how students perceive themselves. It is obvious that when students
are left to determine their self
-
worth free of any
absolute standard,
they are
then
subject
to
all standards
and
their “self” perceptions
will unavoidably fall short in multiple
categories of comparisons.
Even with a Biblical self
-
image, people are prone to
make value judgments about
their self worth based on social press
ures and the communicated (verbal and non
-
verbal)
perceptions of others.
Let’s take a look at
one of the most significant
social pressures of
American
culture:
Appearance
.
(Powerpoint)
1.
The average American woman wears a size 10 or larger (not a 2 or 3, l
ike your
average model).
2.
Twenty years ago, the average model weighed 8% less than the average woman;
today, models weigh
23%
less.
3.
400
-
600
advertisements bombard us everyday in magazine
s, on billboards, on
TV, a
n
d
in newspapers. One in eleven has a direc
t message about beauty...and
that's not even counting the indirect messages.
4.
60% of high school girls with eating disorders or related symptoms do not believe
they need counseling.
5.
Eighty
percent of 10
-
year
-
old American girls diet.
6.
Between 1996 and 1998
, teenage cosmetic surgeries nearly doubled, from 13,699
to 24,623.
(Source: American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons
)
7.
One
million
teenage boys have eating disorders, and as many as 400,000 are
steroid users.
These pressures, along with cul
tural fluctuations on how to achieve personal
importance, what constitutes an attractive personality,
how can a person be sexually
fulfilled, etc., all take their toll. They can be especially destructive f
orces in the lives of
teens which
are desperately
searching for self
-
identity.
As Christian parents, then, how do we help our students develop a Biblical self
-
image? And how do we reinforce the Bible’s message and create support structures for
our children?
The Big Question: What does the Bible say?
1
John 3:1 says, “Look at how great a love the Father has given us, that we should
be called God's children. And we are!” (HCSB)
This scripture is saying that the relationship God desires and designed us for
is the
loving relationship between a father and
his children. Once we understand the depth of
His love and the security of His commitment to us, we begin to fully comprehend our
worth. We are God’s children!
One of the finest
picture
s
of that love and commitment is found in Psalm 139.
Dr.
Bruce Narr
amore, Ph. D., President of the Narramore Christian Foundation, says there
are four central ingredients in our self
-
image:
1.
A sense of worth
–
This is the basic attitude we hold about our significance or
value. We believe we are valuable and have a right
to live.
2.
Love
--
If we are to be happy and go through life with a minimum of problems,
we need an assurance that we are loved and accepted and that we belong.
3.
Confidence
--
Co
nfidence, which implies a basic level of trust in our own
abilities and a sense o
f inner strength, is the quality that enables us to reach out
and try new tasks or tackle new challenges.
4.
Security
--
Closely tied to a feeling of confidence is our need for a feeling of
security. Whereas confidence is more of an
internal
matter ("I can do
it!"),
security is more
external
("Others can be trusted" or "The world is safe.").
Security relates to our environment and our relationship to it. It reflects our
assurance that the world "out there" is sufficiently safe and ultimate harm will not
come u
pon us.
Let’s examine Psalm 139, looking for these key components.
1.
A sense of worth
–
(
v
ss. 1
-
6)
By using this exhaustive list, the Psalmist indicates
that God place
s
a high value on his life
. The verses describe God’s intimate
knowledge of him and his
passionate interest in him. David realizes that God
knows him (David) better than he knows himself. The thought of that is too
wonderful for David to comprehend. It is incredibly validating (to a person’s self
worth) that the God of the universe would b
e so involved in his life.
2.
Love
–
(
v
ss.
7
-
12, 23)
Nothing quite communicates love like
pursuit.
David
realizes that there is no escaping God’s presence. There is no place one can hide.
There is no condition which shields us from His
recognition
.
Not e
ven the
darkness that cloaks our lives at times will keep His right hand from rescuing us.
That devotion, that care, that attentiveness are all just extensions of His love. God
would not for a minute want us to think that we were not his prized possessio
n.
3.
Confidence
–
(vss. 13
-
14)
When the scripture says that God formed us and wove
us, it is communicating the great care with which God crafts an individual. When
David acknowledges God’s hand in his own formation, it causes him to burst out
with thankful
ness. Some of the most powerful words in scripture are in verse 14
,
“I will praise You, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your
works are wonderful, and I know this very well.” (HCSB) When David says that
God’s works are wonderful and
also says that he has been “wonderfully made,”
he is saying, “I am wonderful, because God made me. There are no limits to
His
possibilities
in me
.”
4.
Security
–
(vss.
1
5
-
16)
If security is that feeling or sense of assurance that things
will be alright, wh
at could be more reassuring than knowing your days and breath
are in God’s hands? From your beginning He has marked them. World events,
cultural trends
, emotional trials, none of these will default God’s predetermined
plan. I can live securely knowing t
hat God’s hand and His hand alone controls all
things.
God has accounted for each of our human needs. Having a Biblical self
-
image
means we understand ourselves according to God’s unalterable standard of acceptance.
His word is the best mirror we could
ever use.
Bill Gillham is the President of Lifetime
Guarantee Ministries. Bill has put together a list of scriptures which reveal the true
identity of a child of God.
(Handout)
What are some practical steps to building a B
iblical self
-
image
in my child
.
(Powerpoint)
R
ecognize your level of
influence
.
“…the human child is ‘talked into talking’ and ‘loved into loving.’”
“…related into believing.”
Karen Robert, “Becoming Attached: Unfolding the
Mystery of the Infant
-
Mother Bond and its Impact on Later Lif
e,” (New York: Warner
Book, 1994). Allan N. Shore, “Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self,” (New
York: W.W. Norton & Co., 2003).
“
Out of 14 influences listed by teens as having ‘a lot’ of influence’ on how
they think and act, only one was listed
by more than 50% of teens:
PARENTS
”
George Barna, “Third Millenium Teens: Research on the Minds, Hearts,
and Souls of America’s Teenagers, 1999 The Barna Research Group
“
78% of teens acknowledge that parents have a major impact on their
thoughts and deed
s
.”
George Barna, “Third Millenium Teens: Research on the
Minds, Hearts, and Souls of America’s Teenagers, 1999 The Barna Research Group
“In terms of faith, p
arents were named 3 times as often (47%) as the next
most prolific source of faith influence (16%
-
church)
”
4 out of 5 said that their parents
were their greatest influencers
“We must produce in our homes and community
‘living models’
of the
very biblical truth we want to see incorporated in our kids or they will
eventually reject that truth and wal
k away.”
Josh D. McDowell
Teach them what the
Bible
says.
Use the scriptures on the “True Identity” handout, from Psalm 139, and
any others you may find to affirm your child’s sense of worth
,
to let him
know he is loved
, and to give him a sense of confid
ence and security.
o
(Powerpoint)
Children’s conceptions of God stem from day
-
to
-
day
experiences with their parents.
Ana
-
Maria Rizzuto, “The Birth of the
Living God: A Psychoanalytic Study,” (Chicago: University of Chicago Press,
1979). A. Vannesse/P. DeNeu
ter, “The Semantic Differential Parenting Scale,”
in “Parental Figures and the Representation of God.”
Practice encouragement,
guidance
, and support by:
Appreciating
your child
Telling your child that you love them
Spending time with your child
o
The averag
e born
-
again church kid spends an average of only
4½
minutes
a day in meaningful conversation with their father.
o
The average born
-
again church kid spends an average of only
8½
minutes
a day in meaningful conversation with their mother.
Encouraging your chi
ld to make choices
Fostering independence in your children
Giving genuine importance to your child's
opinion
and listening
Taking the time to explain
reasons
Feeding your child with positive encouragement
Encouraging your child to try
new and challenging a
ctivities
Promoting healthy
friendships
Avoid damaging
negativity
by:
Curtailing
criticism
Refraining from using guilt motivation
Resisting
over
-
protection
Refusing to impose
unrealistic
regulations
Listen to Dr. Narramore. “The failure to let children g
radually mature is one of
the greatest causes of teenage rebellion in Christian homes. Because we are God’s
representatives, we sometimes try to play God to our children.
We
set all the standards.
We
make all the decisions. And
we
let children know the
ir place. Each of these parent
behaviors undermines a child’s identity.”
How do I discipline my child without destroying their self
-
image?
Hebrews 12:9
-
11 says, “Furthermore, we had natural fathers discipline us, and we
respected them. Shouldn't we submi
t even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they
disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but He does it for our
benefit, so that we can share His holiness. No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but
painful. Later on
, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who
have been trained by it.”
(HCSB)
The author of Hebrews is comparing and contrasting the discipline of earthly
fathers and our heavenly Father. The earthly father disciplines accordin
g to what “seems
good.”
(That which will change our
behavior
)
God disciplines us for our benefit, that we
may share in His holiness.
That which will change our
heart
)
The Greek word translated
“benefit or good” is a word which means “to bring together.”
While
an earthly father
’s
discipline brings respect
, God’s discipline brings us together with Him. I may respect my
father, but never be close to him. God does not allow for that option. His discipline is
intended to help us understand Him and participa
te in His Holiness. Like all discipline,
God’s version is not “fun,” but it leads us to a right way of life.
When we discipline our children,
our ultimate goal should be
a changed heart.
At the same time, “w
e cannot allow children to ignore their sinful b
ehavior. But
neither should we destroy their self
-
esteem. We must maintain a healthy balance. A
proper teaching on sin should include the following five elements:
1.
It should teach
God’s standards
of holy living.
(Galatians 5:19
-
26)
2.
It should show a chil
d how we all
fall short
of these standards.
(Romans 3:23)
3.
It should show a child how valuable he is to God and distinguish between one’s
being a
sinner
and being a
worthless person
.
(1 Corinthians 1:1
-
9)
4.
It should lead the child to
Christ
, the answer to hi
s sin.
(John 3:16; 1:12)
5.
It should encourage the child to be obedient out of the motivation of
love
, not of
guilt
.
(Ephesians 5:1, 2; 1 John 4:11
-
18)
“Help! I’m a Parent,” Dr. Bruce Narramore, Zondervan Publishing, 1972, pgs. 126
-
127
Building
a Biblical s
elf
-
image i
n your child is the process of helping them
develop their sense of self based on God’s word. It is helping them to resist the
vacillating messages of culture and the opinions of others, and focus on the reality of
God’s design
and the exciting
purpose for which they were created.