1

2……….Conference Teaching Plan

6……….Honesty Scripture References

7……….Quotes on Honesty

8……….For the Youth Minister

–

How to

Implement The Moral Compass in Your

Church

9……….Rebuilding Trust

10……….Survey Results

11……….7 Laws of the Harvest

The Parent Conference Guides for this

lesson have fill

-

in

-

the

-

blank spots

throughout. Answers to those blanks are

the words in bold

-

face type found in this

Conference Teaching Plan.

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2

The Moral Compass

Conference Teaching Plan

Honesty

Introduction to The Moral Compass

The Moral Compass exists to develop moral character, healthy relationships, and Godly choices in

students. It seeks to:





Help students build a strong moral compass. (Matt. 22:37)





Help students develop healthy relationships. (Matt. 22:39)





Help students form future lasting marriages by building strong character through positive choices now. (Psalm

119:9)

The Moral Compass seeks to accomplish this by empowering parents to teach their children about

moral character and purity, and to make a commitment to these virtues themselves, and by empowering, en-

couraging, instructing, and supplying information to youth ministers on relational coping skills.

Defining Honesty

Honesty is the quality or

condition

of being honest. It is

truthfulness

and

sincerity

. Honesty is

marked by

integrity

and uprightness. The character of honesty does not display deception or fraudulence,

but is genuine, equitable and fair. It is characterized by truth, not falsehood.

Sounds great. What’s the problem?

The problem is that honesty is only

one

of

two

choices. The other choice is, of course, dishonesty.

As fallible creatures, we are compelled by our nature to respond to situations we encounter in a self

-

serving

way. Mark Twain once said, “All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish.” Although our God

-

given

ability to be rational creatures serves us well in giving us dominion over the other creatures, it in many ways

handicaps us in our giving ourselves up in submission to our creator. In the case of honesty, our rationality

handicaps us in our submission to God because we often feel drawn to measure the results of both honesty

and dishonesty, in a given situation, and choose which one we feel will best suit us. However, God’s direc-

tive for us is ever so clear,

honesty

is always the

right

choice. (

Colossians 3:9

-

10 says, “Do not lie to each

other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being

renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”

)

Since my rational nature is not always correct, I should seek to see if my thought process delivers an

answer that matches up with scripture. If I “think one way” and God’s word differs, then I must

change

the

way I think, because His word is always

right

. It is then our spiritual nature, which is designed to live by

revelation, rather than reason, that gives us the directive we must follow. It is faith in God and the

certainty

of His trustworthy council, rather than in our own rationalizations, that will ultimately bear good fruit or

success in our lives. This truth reveals itself from the very beginning of time. When Eve was tempted in the

garden, she turned from the only way she had known to live (that is, by God’s

revelation

of what was ac-

ceptable;

Genesis 2:16

-

17, “The LORD God commanded the man, saying, ‘From any tree of the garden you

may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you

eat from it you will surely die.’”

) to her

own way

of thinking (

Genesis 3:6 “When the woman saw that the

tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one

wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.”

)

So, is this true of people today?

Yes! Our students are struggling with the same issue.

(Walk through the PowerPoint slides concerning the survey conducted by The Moral Compass team

and the Josephson Institute of Ethics and/or use the “Survey Results” information on pages 11

-

12 in the Par-

ent Conference Guide. Survey results are also provided for you on page 10 of this manual.)

---

3

Despite these responses, students overwhelmingly agreed with the statement: “It is important to me that

people

trust

me.”

Surveys Indicate:





Students do know whether an act is

honest

or

dishonest

.

Students can and do identify given acts and

responses as honest or dishonest, but their ability to distinguish one from the other does not ensure their

choice of that which is good.





Students will often respond according to their

perceived best end

.

This is not all bad. Making a ra-

tional choice is part of an intellectual process. However, when a lie seems to fit the situation better

than the truth, we set ourselves up for a big disappointment. My “perceived” best end can never match

God’s reward for truth.





Students see

degrees

of honesty.

There are little white lies (the phone rings and we don’t want to speak

to the person on the other end, so we have someone tell them we’re not home), courtesy or polite lies

(we tell Aunt June that her stuffing is better than ever, when we really think it is drier than quilt bat-

ting), pressure lies, hurtful lies, bold

-

faced lies and more. These all represent degrees of honesty, with

some lies being harmless and others being very destructive. The problem with seeing honesty this way

is not in determining a level of harm per lie, but in the fostering of a pattern for being untruthful.





Students do not fully understand the

benefits

of honesty and/or the

consequences

of dishonesty.

Stu-

dents desire to be trusted and know it is meaningful to be so, but a trustworthy reputation is only one of

the benefits of honesty. Likewise, there are more consequences for dishonesty than the wrath of your

parents.

So how do I build honesty in my student?

There are some helpful steps, which you can take to help your child value honesty and commit to being

an honest person. Kari West, co

-

author of the book,

When He Leaves

(Victor Books), wrote an article for Fo-

cus on the Family entitled, “What Harm Can a Little Lie Do?” In her article, West recommends several ap-

proaches to help convince our kids to speak the truth. Here is an adaptation of those principles with a few

added.





Be

real

. Don’t ask your children to pretend that lies

—

and liars

—

don’t exist. Let them know that lies

can and will devastate a relationship. Share with them that it is imperative that you be able to trust one

another.





Admit your

mistakes

. Respond to the question “What harm can a little lie do?” by telling your kids

how some of your small deceptions created big problems.





Show how even

small lies

affect the tellers. Emphasize that white lies undermine credibility. To make

the point stick, ask your children, “Who will confide in you after you’ve lied to them?”





Use

real

-

world

examples. Example: “Dave Bliss, former basketball coach at Baylor University,

sought the help of his assistant coaches and players to help him cover up his financial misdeeds, by at-

tempting to misdirect police investigators by soiling the reputation of one of their former friends and

teammates who had been recently murdered. Bliss wanted them to claim that this former player had

been a drug dealer.”

---

4





Stress

actions

, not words. Remind your kids that actions

do

speak louder than words. Politicians

promise lots of things, but they are not respected because they rarely deliver.





Remember

God’s

view and remind your children of it. Cliff Coons, research chemist and father of six,

puts it this way: “The heart of lying is that we want to be like God, who spoke into being the universe.

So we speak into existence the world we want to see.” If your kids want to hear about honesty straight

from the source, read them Leviticus 19:11: “Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another.”





Don’t measure or punish because of

grades/scores

. In interviews, middle

-

school students have con-

fessed to family therapist, Carleton Kendrick, that they are embarrassed about cheating, but do it any-

way because they fear their parents’ negative reactions to grades or test scores. Reward your kids' ef-

forts and progress, not the final results.





Don’t play the

shame/blame

game. All children experiment with lying, and as Kendrick points out, all

misbehaviors have “goals.” It’s a parent’s job to find out what the goals are, but instead of being accu-

satory or distrustful, Kendrick advises, try an empathetic approach: “You know son, I know you are a

guy who always wants to tell the truth. There must be something going on to make you think about ly-

ing. I want to find out what made you change your mind about telling the truth.” Such an approach can

be tailored to tots or teens; it’s less likely that children will respond defensively or refuse to talk when a

parent begins by expressing faith in their desire to be truthful.

Proverbs 25:12 says, “Like an earring

of gold and an ornament of fine gold, Is a wise reprover to a listening ear.”





Clearly communicate the

benefits

of honesty and the

consequences

of dishonesty.

(Use the “7 Laws

of the Harvest” reproducible handout on page 11 to describe the sowing and reaping nature of the bene-

fits and consequences of honesty and dishonesty.)





Foster an

atmosphere

for honesty. Many of us unintentionally set

-

up our children up for lying and

then explode when it happens. By the phrase, “unintentionally set

-

up our children,” I mean, we create

conditions in our home and in our individual relationships with our children, which will cause them to

desire lying over telling the truth. Some of those elements, which may foster dishonesty are:

o

Dishonesty.

When we are dishonest, then we can have the expectation that our children will be

dishonest as well.

o

Lack of

concern

or

involvement

in my teenager’s life. If my teenager feels that I am disinter-

ested in his or her life, they will lie, if for no other reason, to hurt me and draw me into their

life.

o

Explosive

responses to the truth. When we explode at the truth, we make it an easy choice for

our children to lie. If your child has an expectation of wrath, they will tell you whatever you

want to hear to avoid dealing with your anger.

Conversely, when we live lives of honesty, our children are more likely to value telling the truth. If I

show a genuine interest in my child’s life and am involved in his relationships and activities, then he

will be less likely to lie to me since my knowledge of his life is a deterrent to him in regard to making

false statements. My anger will not discourage lying, but rather, it will become a reason for it. If you

truly want to foster an atmosphere of honesty, then anytime the truth is told it should be rewarded.

That reward may be as small as a simple recognition: “I appreciate you being honest.” Consequences

for any undesired behavior will still occur, but an honest reply should temper our response and help us

to choose a course of discipline that helps correct the problem and encourage future honesty.

Proverbs

28:13 says, “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, But he who confesses and forsakes

them will find compassion.”

---

5

My child may not be truthful with me anyway. How do I recognize if they are lying?

Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and ques-

tions him.”

In her article, West also talks about how to become a lie detector. She writes that there are some

typical traits a liar employs:





Denial.

“I didn’t do it.”





Blame.

“She made me do it,” or “If you’d been a better friend .

.

.”





Anger.

“You make me furious when you say that!” Liars hope their anger will force you to back down

and forget the original issue. You can’t think straight when you’re angry or dealing with an angry per-

son. But this emotional response may mean you are close to the truth.





Distraction.

“How can you say that about me?” Once you become concerned with how the liar feels,

the real issue gets lost.





Exceptions.

“Everybody makes mistakes” or “Give me a break; I goofed.”





Distortion.

“That guy you saw me with is just a friend” or “That’s not what I meant” or “You’re too

sensitive.”





Intentions.

“I didn’t want to hurt you” or “Yes, I took $10 from your purse, Mom. But I’ll never do it

again.”





Spiritualism.

“Dad, you’re a Christian. So why can’t you just forgive me?”

You might remember these two helpful hints:





Trust

, but

verify.

You can trust your child foolishly or wisely. Don’t live in the dark. Quietly verify

their words and actions.





Pray

that if they choose to be dishonest, they will get

caught

in their lie. Nothing works quite like

something that doesn’t work.

How can trust be rebuilt after a lie?

The United States Military Academies live by an honor code: “We will not lie, steal, cheat, or tolerate

among us anyone who does.” The kind of trust that is lost by being dishonest is illustrated by how the military

responds to someone who violates the honor code. According to the Air Force Cadet Wing Honor Code Refer-

ence Handbook, “the presumptive sanction for any Honor Code violation is disenrollment. However, the Com-

mandant of Cadets or the Superintendent has the authority to suspend a recommendation of disenrollment for a

period of time, giving the cadet an opportunity to recover from their violation and be restored to the cadet

wing. This period, called honor probation, has been highly formalized and “reengineered” throughout its his-

tory for maximum benefit to the cadet, the wing, and the Air Force.”

The probation includes both punitive and rehabilitative components. The punitive side entails that a

cadet suffers immediate consequences, including: loss of privileges, loss of good standing in the wing, and ad-

ministrative sanctions. The rehabilitative side is all about developing the cadet’s understanding and commit-

ment to the proper values. “It is not the purpose of honor probation to merely avoid further infractions, rather,

the goal is to internalize the code and become a well

-

rounded cadet.” During honor probation, the cadet must

fulfill multiple requirements in order to restore his standing and good name. The goals of these requirements

are reflection, rehabilitation, and restoration, and include:

---

6





Reflection:

o

No early release from probation. No exceptions.





Rehabilitation:

o

Preparation of a Probation Portfolio, which includes:





A presentation at the beginning and end of probation





Keeping a daily journal with entries about honor, integrity, morals and values





Counseling





Meet with a mentor





Complete a project, which educates the entire wing on honor and integrity





Restoration:

o

Evaluation & completion

What if we took this military approach, softened it a bit, and used its principles to teach our children

the value of honesty?

(Use PowerPoint “Rebuilding Trust” slides and/or the “Rebuilding Trust” information

on pages 8

-

9 in the Parent Conference Guide. Answers to the blanks on the printed slides in the Parent Con-

ference Guide are provided for you on page 9 of this manual. Remind parents that the answers given on these

PowerPoint slides are just

suggestions

and can be used in whole or in part to best help their child come to

value honesty.)

Honesty Scripture References

Proverbs 4:24

Proverbs 8:7

Proverbs 10:9

Proverbs 10:23

-

24

Proverbs 11:1

Proverbs 11:18

Proverbs 12:3

Proverbs 12:13

Proverbs 12:17

Proverbs 12:19

Proverbs 12:22

Proverbs 13:6

Proverbs 19:5

Proverbs 25:12

Proverbs 28:6

Proverbs 28:13

---

7

Quotes on Honesty

In an issue of Moody Monthly, George Sweeting wrote about the desperate need for honesty in our cul-

ture. He referred to Dr. Madison Sarratt, who taught mathematics at Vanderbilt University for many years.

Before giving a test, the professor would admonish his class something like this: "Today I am giving two ex-

aminations

-

one in trigonometry and the other in honesty.I hope you will pass them both. If you must fail one,

fail trigonometry. There are many good people in the world who can't pass trig, but there are no good people

in the world who cannot pass the examination of honesty."

“The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom

scale.”

—

Arthur C. Clarke

“I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most envi-

able of all titles, the character of an honest man.”

—

George Washington

“Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.”

—

F. M. Hubbard

“Honesty is the first chapter in the Book of wisdom. Let it be our endeavor to merit the character of a

just nation.”

—

Thomas Jefferson

"We must not promise what we ought not, lest we be called on to perform what we cannot."

—

Abra-

ham Lincoln

“A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.”

—

Edgar J. Mohn

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”

—

Winston

Churchill

“We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid

of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.”

—

Tad Williams

“It is impossible to calculate the moral mischief, if I may so express it, that mental lying has produced

in society.

When a man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind as to subscribe his profes-

sional belief to things he does not believe he has prepared himself for the commission of every other

crime.”

—

Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

“Beware of the half truth.

You may have gotten hold of the wrong half.”

—

Author Unknown

“Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication.

They would rather defend

their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others.

Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into

nobility, they settle for superficial relationships.”

—

Author Unknown

“I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle.

Washington could not

lie.

I can lie, but I won't.”

—

Mark Twain

---

8

Youth Minister

How to Implement The Moral Compass in your Church

Step 1.

Inform your pastor and seek his support

Step 2.

Form a Moral Compass ministry team. Solicit the services of interested parents to serve on a

ministry team, which would oversee the development and ongoing needs of this parent ministry.

Step 3.

Follow the Parent Outreach Strategy

Parent Outreach Strategy

--

A 3

-

month timeline example

1.

In July…





Youth Minister meets with active parents





Review TMC materials





Discuss TMC issues





Give names of

Inactive

parents to

Active

parents





Give them examples of ways to build relationships with the inactive

parents.

…Dinner parties

…Common interest events

…School activities





The Youth Minister should strategically pair up the parents. That is,

active parents should be matched up with inactive parents.





Youth Ministers may have to call on parents who no longer have stu-

dents in the youth group to help balance out the ratio of Inactive to

Active parents.





Accountability person





Responsible to help and/or make sure that the active parents are

building relationships with the inactive parents.





This person reminds the parents of the target dates to keep the strat-

egy on schedule.

2.

In August…





The Youth Minister meets with parents again. This time the active parents

have brought the inactive parents.





Keep this meeting somewhat “social”. The meeting is not at the church,

somewhere off site…in a park, in someone’s home, in the school cafeteria.





Review TMC materials





Discuss TMC issues

3.

In September…





TMC training meeting for the church. The Youth Minister or Lay Leader will present the con-

ference that will be modeled for him or her at TMC Regional Conference.

4.

Month to month…





Set up accountability meetings with parents after implementation of TMC. Use TMC Parent

meetings to:

a.

Pray for each other and children.

b.

Accountability on True North Living.

c.

Discuss the relative moral issues or needs of students

.

(Downloadable Parent Meeting Plans are FREE online at www.skopos.org)

---

9

Punitive costs of broken trust

Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding Trust

Military

Parents

Loss of specific

privileges

Loss of good standing in

the wing

Administrative sanctions

Loss of specific

privileges

Loss of proper standing

in the home

More notification

required

Rehabilitative costs of broken trust